She wanted to get married. And she wanted to follow a godly path to marriage. Because she trusted God to unite her with her future husband, she decided not to use online dating sites or go to Christian singles groups in order to meet eligible bachelors. She committed to this behavior when she was in her upper twenties. A decade later, a few years shy of age forty, she was still single…and still “trusting God.”
The above story is a true story I heard recently. Many Christians are like the woman in the story. They believe God has a particular person in mind for them to marry and that He’ll do whatever it takes to bring them together. So they “trust God” with their love lives, choosing not to look for a significant other because they believe God will bring the right one to them.
I could cry from the sadness of this reality. Choosing to “trust God” with your love life is a bad idea.
3 Reasons Why
1. God doesn’t have a particular spouse chosen for you.
The idea that God has one particular person in mind for you to marry is unbiblical. For the full explanation of why, see my post Does God Have A Spouse Chosen For Me? The bottom line is that in 1 Corinthians 7 we see the biblical teaching that God gives us freedom to choose if we marry and, thus, whom we marry. We shouldn’t expect God to choose our spouse for us, because that’s not what He does.
2. God doesn’t promise to bring you a spouse if you wait for Him to do so.
“But, Justin, even if God doesn’t make me marry any particular person, can’t He act as a matchmaker if I ask Him?”
Good question. The problem is that God has nowhere promised that He’ll bring us a spouse if we wait for Him to do all the work. Understand that I certainly believe God can give, has given, and will give guidance and help to us as we navigate the realm of matrimony. But this is because, like even good earthly fathers, God knows us and our interest in people and will speak wisdom to us in any situation. But there’s still no Bible verse that says, “Ask and I’ll arrange your marriage.” To say God will always function as a divine matchmaker when He hasn’t promised as much is to lay on Him an unbiblical expectation.
To read more on this point, see my post Will God Match Me With A Good Spouse?
3. God has created natural laws of sowing and reaping.
The behavior you sow now produces particular results later. This is a biblical reality. If you sow the behavior of never meeting new people, then you reap the result of not finding more potential spouses. If you sow the behavior of never initiating romantic interaction, then you reap the result of never starting a relationship that can lead to marriage. If you sow the behavior of being passive with your love life, then you reap the result of remaining in the same place you’ve been.
This is the point where many Christians expect God to step in and make something happen by supernaturally introducing their future spouse. But as discussed in the first two points, God nowhere promises to do that. He gives us freedom to choose one path or another in our love lives. So when we sow passivity in our love lives the natural result is to remain in the same state.
This doesn’t mean a passive person can’t happen to meet someone and start a relationship. It happens. But it does mean there’s a naturally low chance of finding a spouse if you stay home and sit on your hands. Also, a person isn’t guaranteed to find a spouse if he or she takes action. But taking action causes the natural law of sowing and reaping to be in favor of finding someone.
In conclusion, “trusting God” (note the quotation marks) with your love life is a bad idea because having an unbiblical expectation for God to unite you with a chosen spouse can cause you to choose passive behaviors that just perpetuate singleness.
It’s a bad idea to “trust God” by passively waiting for Him to arrange our marriages for us, but it’s also a bad idea to be anxious about your love life. Instead of being anxious, we need to trust God with our love lives in the right way.
Properly trusting God with our love lives looks something like this…
“God, I want to be married. But I recognize that my fulfillment and satisfaction are in you, not any spouse. I’ll continue to serve and prioritize you joyfully every day I remain single. I ask for your help as I look for a good match, and I trust that you’ll help me in every good and perfect way. But even if I never marry, I’ll have peace because you are my everything. And I’ll joyfully follow you for my entire life.”
So instead of “trusting God” by passively waiting for Him to arrange our marriages, let’s truly trust God by having peace as we actively and patiently walk the path of pursuing marriage.
I feel like I’ve written a somewhat radical blog post here. I want to know what you think. How do you feel this blog post compares with what the Bible teaches and what’s practiced by Christians? Please share your thoughts in the comments.
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Photo Credit: Creator: haley. Source: https://www.flickr.com/photos/halinebr/5021349247. Some rights reserved. Used by license.