Everybody Farts (And What It Means For Your Love Life)

Well, they say you should give your writing a title that attracts attention! Maybe I should explain why I’m talking about farting on a blog about romance.

Within our Christian romance culture, we Christians hope to find a wonderful, godly, lasting love. We hope to find that special someone with whom to share a huge helping of God’s goodness in romance and marriage. You don’t have to go too far to find Christian people and books that talk about “waiting for the one God has for you” or “God brought us together,” or how “the Lord will provide someone for you.” There’s an emphasis on seeking that one wonderful person with whom you’re meant to find a beautiful, God-ordained romance, even though this idea is biblically unsound.

I went through my teen years getting such messages from Christian literature. Filled with blissful anecdotes about seemingly divinely-ordained romances, the books seemed to know what wonderful marriages are made of. The implicit message that got lodged in my head went something along the lines of, “Don’t run around the dating scene trying to find a significant other. Wait patiently for that special person God has in mind. Work on becoming a better, more mature and godly person. Then, in God’s perfect timing, all your patience will pay off in finding that wonderful person with whom you’ll have the marriage of your dreams.” As nice as it sounds, that idea helped me get into a very bad mode of subconscious thinking. There was a time in my life when I honestly thought if I waited and trusted God long enough I would end up with the perfect wife.

Everybody Farts

I remember moments spent as a young college underclassman, lazily daydreaming about the beautiful, wonderful, perfect woman I was waiting for. For quite some time I didn’t realize that I had subconsciously drifted into some very false and very dangerous idealistic thinking. The Christian books I read as a teen had me fully persuaded that God had a wonderful woman for me. It was just a matter of His timing until we found each other. So I figured if I passed on every inferior young woman that wasn’t super-godly-wonderful-amazing-perpetually-beautiful then eventually I would be divinely united my uber-wife.

At least, that’s what I figured until the moment that, by God’s grace, a gentle sanity turned me from fantasy back to truth. One day as I left my college dorm, my thoughts lazily slipped to the idea of my future angel-wife and how perfect she would be. Then, out of nowhere, a mercifully lucid thought slipped into my mind:

“Justin, you think your wife is going to always be sweet, always look beautiful, always have a smile for you, and never fart. That woman doesn’t exist. And if she did, why do you think you would deserve her?”

Oh, glorious truth, thank you for not forsaking me!

It was true. I had walked around for ages with the false notion that if I simply waited long enough I could find the perfect woman of every fantasizer’s dream. But the truth is that every woman farts. Every man farts too for that matter. Every person on earth, no matter how godly, kind, demure, courageous, beautiful, handsome, charming, or loving, remains human. That means that perfect person isn’t always going to be perfect. She may be wonderfully sweet in this moment, but the time will come when she’ll be tired, stressed, and mad at you. He may dote on you in this moment, but the time will come when he’ll act selfishly. He or she might seem like the image of perfection and beauty right now, but the time will come when his or her less pleasant aspects will reveal themselves. Everybody farts.

Perfectly Imperfect

I believe in our Christian romance culture we run at risk of believing some overly idealistic notions. I fear the stories of blissful romances and seemingly God-ordained relationships leave us liable to think that if we somehow do things right, wait long enough, or trust that God is going to provide someone amazing, then we can find the perfect person who will give us nothing but joy the rest of our lives. The truth is that no person can be perfect this side of heaven. No matter how much joy your significant other brings you, eventually he or she will cause you sadness, disappointment, or anger. In this life, the best “perfect” we can be is “perfectly imperfect.” It’s as though when two people look at each other and say, “you’re perfect,” what they’re (hopefully) really saying is, “I know you’re far from perfect, but I still love, adore, and want you, flaws included.”

That’s what love really is. While we humans aren’t perfect, love is. That’s why love is able to wholeheartedly embrace someone who wasn’t listening, didn’t clean up, acted selfishly, didn’t help with the kids, or forgot to use the air freshener…again! It’s easy to think love is at its most glorious when we experience blissful romance. But I don’t think it really is. I think love is most adorned when we experience blissful romance. But love finds its greatest glory in those moments when the one you love seems as flawed and unappealing as possible, yet you choose to love him or her anyway. This is the love with which God loves us. This is what we really seek when we dream of the perfect person. We dream of someone with whom we share not just the adornment of romantic attraction but the faithfulness and substance of love that abides even in difficulty. This is the love by which we imperfect humans must love one another. God has blessed us with the joy of romantic love. But that doesn’t mean He gives us a perfect person. He gives us the opportunity to choose to love someone and see that he or she is “perfectly imperfect.”

Do you think you have any overly idealistic notions of your future someone? If so, take some time to reorient yourself to the reality that, if you marry, you’ll be marrying a flawed, imperfect human. Return to the truth that you’ll need to truly love him or her, unpleasant parts included. ‘Cause the reality is…everybody farts.

 

What do you think? Have you struggled with idealizing the perfect spouse? Do you have a story to share about how you and your significant other are “perfectly imperfect?” Share your thoughts in the comments!

And be sure to share the post by using the buttons below!

 

Photo Credit: mjtmail (tiggy)  Title: Small Stinky Bottom.  Modification: Image is cropped. Source: https://www.flickr.com/photos/mjtmail/7204891680/in/photostream/

 

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedinmail

6 Comments

  • Much as I know that there isn’t a perfect person on the planet, this post still puts a serious pespective for me in some type of way that, I really should learn that actually Everybody farts! Like literally, when thoughts like that come in my mind, I try by all means to shift them…I mean would I love to smell anyone’s fart?lol. Anyway, truth is, everybody farts! And I really should wake up from my dream right now, that If I do all the things right and wait long enough, the perfect person will come along, I should say, It’s a struggle to stop believing this one right? Cos it just gives you that expectation that makes you wanna keep on waiting and doing things right…and due time, yipppie, Here comes the one! Crazy. Anyway, I still believe in waiting before engaging in a dating relationship you know? Like dealing with the past relationship heartbreak…I think that one needs a person to face it alone, get healed, see where they did things wrong and then yes after that, they can start dating again…in a good way of course lol

    • Justin Megna says:

      Nowani,
      I love how you’ve nailed the difference between waiting for good reasons and waiting for bad reasons. You’re totally right in saying that it’s right to wait if you need healing or personal transformation. Those are good reasons. But waiting until you find the perfect person is a bad reason because you’ll never find the perfect person! You nailed it! 🙂

  • Thanks for sharing this, Justin! What a great reminder – it’s so easy to judge potential partner by their flaws and what they lack – but I need to remember that we all are imperfect and God loves us just the same. And isn’t marriage, after all, merely a glimpse of God’s own love for us? Wow – reality check for the day. Thanks again for this much needed reminder!

    • Justin Megna says:

      My pleasure, Leighann! You speak truly when you speak of God’s love for us in spite of our imperfections. That’s the way He loves us, and it’s the way he calls us to love our spouse. Rather than wait for a perfect person (who doesn’t exist!), we must become people who love in spite of flaws…just like God. 🙂

  • Jill Frey says:

    Justin, I think the false mentality you are talking about is most definitely alive and well in Christian singles circles today. It’s easy too to think oh no, this doesn’t effect ME, and then you realize as you spend the next ten minutes daydreaming over your future spouse’s perfect responses and perfect gaze of affection that only falls upon you, that perhaps it DOES! Very relevant words. Thank you!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *